*Sigh*
I don't know...arghh...well it hard to say it...problems...one after another...well that life. The beauty of life where there happiness and surround by love ones and friends and the next thing hatred, anger, loneliness, suicidal thoughts... feels like you alone selfless facing the world all by yourself... Adding with the burden that you knew or you just waiting to land on your shoulder... Really not prepared not wanting all this...
To who do I seek to? Why does this happened to me... A test from God's? What I have done good or bad seems no different... All the good side of me...izzit truly me? Or I'm just not that good enough or meant to be bad.
The fear that I'm facing is truly unimaginable... I'm ashamed of this fear.... I might share this fear with a few others and even more worse to those who refuse to accept that they are in fact terrified of the possibilities of their own existence. An existence that shared with those we call strangers, friends and love ones, because we don't live within ourselves but in a place which is not ours. So it changes me, change oneself to become loners, victims to disappointment and pain… No one person wishes to stare into nothingness, crying quietly and feeling alone… but yeah it hard, knowing that you tried so hard to fit in but fail and so we choose to walk in fear and to continue alone rather than suffer the torment of realizing that things may happen that we have no control over, things we can’t stop or even foresee…
End of the day it ok because if our live has any purpose at all then both the good and the bad alike will serve to that very purpose, and therefore there is no reason to turn our back on the world and shut everyone out for fear of their inadequacy at being perfect…
